Thursday, August 9, 2012

I used to hate chairs

I used to hate chairs. You would think a fat man would love to sit down and relax, but here's the catch…You never know what you’re going to get.  It’s an act of faith every time you want to take a load off.  I have broken, bent, flattened and mangled more chairs than I care to remember.

I was in college, and like most not trying to stand out. My dilemma--fitting my big ass into a small classroom desk. These were the old school desk, all together, one size fits all, except not for fat people!!!.  Getting into one was a train-wreck. It took some time and was definitely not a laying low, inconspicuous process. My out, there was a desk and chair in the front of the classroom.  Problem, this desk was meant for a person who was handicapped.

My thoughts, “I always need to get to class early because there is also a little hot girl who likes to sit in the same chair for some reason.”  I can't go up to her and say, ‘Excuse me miss, I don't know if you have noticed, but I am really fat and if I try to get in one of the other desks in this room, I will probably loss all circulation in the lower portion of my body and be stuck in one of those desk till the fire department comes to cut me out. Can you move and take all the other unnecessary bags and crap you brought to class and go to a smaller desk please?  Thank-you.’”   If I could get to that desk before anyone else I would be safe, but what if a actual person with a handicap needed it!!!!, what will I do then?  I was in fear of being found out to be fat. A fact that was plainly obvious to everyone but me.


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